a college classmate text messaged last week to say she just gave birth. i was very thrilled that somebody i know just gave birth, but the big problem was there was only one person i know is pregnant, and she confirmed herself she was really pregnant only this year!

"sori bt i lost all my contacts due 2a celphone breakdown. Pls identify urslf. Drs only 1person i know/remember is pregnant... marge?" went my reply.  

it was johnna. imagine my shame, but i wasn't able to clear it. i only wonder if she'd invite me to her baptism. but dearest johnna, i am so happy for you. since i wasn't able to hide my shame, if you want the name evanescence for your baby girl, i'd give it to you. can i just suggest eva as the nickname?

mamita in all her sweetness invited carlyn and me to dinner at krua thai's tonight. cai and i arrived late, having driven all the way from mango avenue to banilad, passing through a [surprise!] sudden traffic -- thus delay -- along the barracks at archbishop road. when we arrived, they practically pushed all the dishes to our side of the table since they were 3/4 done with the food on their plates. 

the manga-hilaw salad with the chicharon-ish mix. the spicy, weird, but i SO love buongon salad. the fried ribs. the sweet and sour fish. the crab rice. the bagoong rice. i love thaiiiiii.

mamita hugged me twice on friday night after dinner. poppy and mother were here to attend the funeral of tito gabbie (the tito who was always there but whose name we'll only ever know about him). at mamita's room, i kissed her goodbye and thanks-for-the-dinner (of boneful adobo-ed eel, YUM). she pulled me in for a hug the second time. i just love those moments.

such a treasure.

all along, tito gabbie (the tito who was always there but whose name we'll only ever know about him) had a heart disease. he was a blue baby, and since birth, had time ticking not only at his wristwatch, at his bedside alarm clock, at the kitchen clock, but at his heart. every beat for him was a lease on another minute, another hour, another day alive. not that it made any difference to his life. he was a 24-hour shadow to his mother, tia diding (of whom we are not so fond). he was a wallflower; not even a flower, but a root fixed to wherever the rest of the plant went. he was a corner fixture. i wonder if he ever cared joining us in our table.

we'll never know. he's buried 5 feet over the ground now, concealed in an elf grave with a 2 ft by 2 ft opening, his box that's 1 ft long and half a foot wide rested well in it. 

he's reduced to ashes. pieces so small. what do ashes become through time?

may he bloom in peace.       

6-year-old edward, on wanting to marry my sister iana.

"edward, you want to marry ate iana?"

"yes, when i turn 16."

"but she'll be SO old by then."

a broken face. "how old?"

"so OLD. and you can't marry her."

"why?"

"she's your ate, she's your cousin."

a face directly hid under the covers. when uncovered, appeared so innocent a face with eyes about to well up but never did.