i went on air in national television.

---

my sister warned me about it, that my love for studio 23's breakfast has moved up in the spectrum of obsession. nahhhhh. let's not put it that way. and in order for me to put it in the proper way, i have to start from the beginning.

there's a new breakfast with only patty laurel, jc laurel and atom araullo hosting. (wahhh, where's my bam?) it's the usual companion to my early morning before work skyflakes and iced tea. they no longer have the pop question segment (there goes my only claim to fame) but they have an on the air portion that allows viewers to greet people on air.

that's where i came in on friday. and i repeat: i went on air in national television. i wanted to make sure i could make it the last week since their hot guest host was no less than my dream guy personified, paolo soler.

according to my sister, i was so excited that jc actually said, "uy, excited." thanks crazy. anyway, it really sealed off my day to a good start. i was all smiles at the office though nobody there watches the show. i did tell my teacher at the workplace ms sheela that i greeted her on air (it's her birthday today).

so when i realized i put on the wrong outfit for the event that the boss wanted me and ms setty to attend, i was still all smiles. and even when i had to fit in the small-sized black blouse to fit with the white jacket that ms daisy was kind enough to let me borrow, i was still all smiles. really, funny things happen in that office, especially in the design section. a make-up kit is on stock. a lot of black blouses. high heels. cover jackets. and that's because the designers usually come in all dressed down, which is a total no-no when they have to show up at the showroom.

well, on that particular day, it did save the clueless fresh grad out of me.

breakfast happy always to you.

vera, my constant reader, i love you. you give my comments box a life. i'm curious about the "ivi, we have to talk..." talk. what's up?

yesterday, i had a normal conversation with sir kenneth, ms estela and ms setty at cafe havana after KC's talk at park lane. he didn't want to stay for the event lunch because the people were at fan mode (hey, that's my job! :)

it was weird how i just got out of my silent mode (which is eternally turned on at the office when he's around) and bombed them away with questions. like:

how did he and ms estela end up working together (she gave up her full-time teaching at UP and spends more time at ICI). long story, but one that defined the start of a very cool working relationship between the two. i think it's only ms estela who can straight on tell him what she thinks, i.e. about his work, words, looks, etc.

what teaching is to him (he lectures at UP) considering that he is such a big shot busy guy right now, it just eats up his spare time and he doesn't get any monetary gain from it (not that you can actually expect anything monetary from this school).

and he didn't at all hesitate in storytelling how he actually failed to get in UP's art department (he actually failed on anything that has something to do with design? apparently, yes) after i asked him about his short stint at UP diliman. but i guess that only did him well (the failing i mean). hello, pratt?

design. art. a cabinet he worked on that made use of a lot of condoms (which funnily was also the work that first caught ms estela and ms christy's eyes when they were looking for a furniture guy to work with a few years back).

it's cool to be around these people. cooler that he paid for my weird chicken order which i unconsciously picked out from the menu (hey, i've been to table 7 a couple of times but never to its havana neighbor). and coolest, to ride in his benz.

i am hooked on broken social scene, an independent eclectic pop/alternative/electronica band based in canada. a budding music critic in philippine star kept on mentioning this band in her column and though more often than not i just read through reviews and don't make an effort to look it up, this one had a noisier calling. not that they're noisy. i associate their sound to the local band daydream cycle and my most favorite, updharmadown. (for those interested, access their site by clicking on them band's name)

their story is a funny read. originally, it was composed of only 2 members. they did well in the recordings but when it came performing live, they had to get other people to fill in the other sounds. and that's because each song would make you think there are a 100 of things going on without feeling that you're getting drowned by it. 

they master the eclectic pop/alternative/electronica sound without so much vocals but heavier on instruments. and to me, that speaks of more talent especially when all the instruments they put in (i'm hearing violins, a lot of different-sounding guitars, drums, bass, other unnameable works) actually create a harmony that makes them stand out. and i like bands who make an effort to differ in sound, and not just make up for lyrics (like my eternal fave, updharmadown). i like bands who make an effort to sound different.

did i get you hooked already? it does wonders to my sudden bouts of depression. so you might be saving yourself from a rope, too many sleeping pills or a gun. hehe, joke.

(i know the post's title is lame. i guess you get a lot of lameness when you miss out on a lot of posting days)

maybe i should check my resume before i buck in cowardice or sense of insecurity. i don't have much to back me up as yet. why am i feeling useless? did i really imagine i could just hoard dozens of working experiences within a year from my graduation? i daydream too much. but i'm getting an MBA, that's for sure.

so my deskmate is turning out to be a great help. i made Ms Setty promise that she'd tell me how i'm doing in terms of how low i always try to put myself in just so i could get people to understand if i make mistakes. what a loser. so now, i'm no longer dropping the words "tanga" and "forgetful" in the midst of my teachers. though that's not at all untrue, i should not remind them that i am. i should even stop reminding myself that i am. high time to put on a cloak of... responsibility and self-trust. i could do that.

anyway, i'm doing a lot of writing for the company. i haven't seen the end of the newsletter -- not even the start -- and i gave myself until the end of the week. now, i'm working on caretags and KC's short description. i don't know if i should just lay out the facts the way his old description went but then that's just not me. so enter a great thinker's pep phrase, "no limitations, no expectations". if he wants it changed, then he will get it changed. but let me let him hear my voice first.

anyway part two, i just sneaked some wee hours of the morning time away from my caretags and descriptions. yesterday, when they talked to me about the caretags, i just stood there and took notes while they seated discussed what should be in it. much like a mute journalist. i don't know why i'm always shut and dumbed down in the midst of these people. open sesame. nope, that's not the magic word. abra kadabra. please. Help me God. mushi mushi. tra la la.

I'll stick to Help me God. after all, He does all the time.

hey guys, my internet at home is a turtle so i only have the patience for an internet connection that costs 18/hr. ouch. and since i don't want to keep on repeating that, i only shell out such amount once a week, two weeks, or a month. so you haven't been hearing from me.

vera, jaqi, my other readers: how are thee? jaq, keep the working spirit alive. should i be thankful my boss didn't assign me to be his personal assistant? you should know the answer. yes? yes.

though it really sucked when he didn't choose me to be his press officer. i mean, as a mass comm graduate, how should that make me feel? well, he doesn't care. ver, what do you think? he assigned instead the new girl, Ms Setty. i have to give it to her. i may be teaching her the ropes in the ICI marketing system, but she's teaching me the ropes on how to be a good employer. just in her 3rd day at work and she's doing a lot of changes already. and it's a shame that she's doing a lot of listing of things that needed to be done when it should be me doing that.

well, in the first place, how do i compare? here's the FYI: she's 31, she's worked in Cebu Holdings, she's an ongoing MBA student. it all boils down to how grateful i am and should be because i'm learning a lot from her and i know i'll learn more from her than what i could from allan's endless talks and the boss' boss ways. (no offense to allan, he's a willing help always, always, always; not even a single grunt ever)

to give you a clearer picture of the pressure that's being heaped on me now, well, i'm seated between these two: Sir Allan and Ms Setty. i feel like a baby. and i don't know if it should follow, but i feel i'm becoming dumber, more tense, more at pressure. today, i got the baddest reprimand from one of my best teachers at the office, ms sheela. i am sorry. i was sorry. i don't want to feel dumber. or is that supposedly normal when you're sandwiched between more experienced, smarter people?

vera, i'm not downgrading myself again, okay? hahai. i miss your kind of smart. i miss your kind of talk. i miss your kind of assurance. i miss your kind of support. i miss your kind of reprimand. i miss your kind of help. i miss your kind of presence.

that goes out to all of you, my wormies. i miss your kind of friend.

jaqi, this still doesn't answer the kind of work i do. but just a quick run-through: i go to work, check my mails and if there's none, poor me. if there's some, yay! the clients i handle are those who are based all over America (south and north) so their working hours are opposite mine. i deal with all their questions, complaints, requests, orders, blah. we have more right to claiming we are doing "customer sales" than "marketing work". aside from this, i also take turns in showing people around the showroom. recently, the boss made me take care of the corkboard at the showroom which displays press releases that show my boss, his works, and accolades. he also assigned me to do the company newsletter, which should keep distributors all over the world aware of what's happening at this corner of the growing Kenneth Cobonpue-crazy furniture-fan world. hope i got a clear message across right there. but anyway, that should keep me busy and in touch with what i truly love.

this.

miss you all.

he gets tired too.

that's what i noticed. media have been coming in and out of the showroom, scoring feature rights out of him. i even got a call from Reuters and the Lifestyle Channel of ABS-CBN. of course that thrilled me but when i told him, he shrugged and gave out a tired smirk. i dared to say, "ok ra na sir uy." but i never know.

that's boss. a magazine in China tagged him as the "darling of the design press" and rightfully so. for me, he's got the easiest access to almost everything. he's the very first person i heard say, "susanne, october 5 in panama?" so easily, as if it's just a supercat ride away from home. he was referring to his wife an invite from a client in panama who invited him for cocktails at her furniture shop that is about to open.

so far, so good. my closest co-worker resigned on her first month and left me with no closest co-worker anymore but budding friendships with almost everybody in the office. they're no longer teasing me as much to allan, who talks more than a girl does so thank you very much. i think he's gay. but other than these, he is a good conversationalist (but not on the 10,000 paragraphs per answer portion) and a good teacher. 1/4 of what i've learned in ICI, i learned from him. so, let me not call him a gay. (thunder may strike...)

anyway, would like to let my hand gab more but i just sneaked some minutes out of email time to ms niza the play article with Shy. i missed deadline last night because the internet failed to connect. argh. and now, i have to prepare for work.

jaq, would give you a 10,000 paragraph on exactly how my work goes. soon.

i feel for every line of paramore's oh star. if you're not too lazy, you could scroll down and read the lyrics yourself. perrrrfect. not that i'm in idealistic mode again. don't worry, no dreams talk after almost a week of being silent.

on the same positive note, work is getting busier. yes, busy is positive now. my co-worker honeyleth and i have been really bored the first week, doing close to nothing while everybody fussed about. thankfully, our boss, Sir Kenneth, took time off from his overly busy schedule and gathered us all in the marketing, production and shipping departments. i am now officially taking care of ICI businesses all over america. and yesterday, i got my first welcome note from panama.

never thought it would be this cool. how long it would seem cool, let's wait and see. but like how every negative comment of mine ends -- positive thinking please!

on thursday night, i dropped by the CDN office to get the recorder, only to be met by gerard pareja and his endless pursuits to have me agree on representing this daily news in the Ms. Freedom pageant. i thought it was over. (well, it never started for me. tsk)

this afternoon, narsheen and i will be interviewing the fourth model CDN will be featuring in Play. i don't get the significance but i think they make good fillers on Play! subject-less sundays. actually, ms niza and gerard coaxed me into asking sir kenneth if we could have him but i'm still working my way around.

though i'm totally okay with the rest of the office people, i think it would take a longer time to get used to the presence of a Kenneth Cobonpue and his wife, Ms Susanne. they're not bad at all, they're super.

so far, the bad-est complaint i have in my notebook (a multi-tasker itself, serving both my growing ICI life and deteriorating but still alive CDN life) is ..cut for my so-called career safety purposesb.. this is bad and i'm going to get fired but haha, this is my blog. 

seriously now, i know i just have to kick out this snooty attitude and do as told. and if this helps, i did get a surprisingly good amount for my first pay-cash (didn't get a check).

i spent P200 of which on the first hour after getting out of work, buying myself Pringles in ketchup and the lady and her kids in the skywalk over troubled traffic bread, cheeze and milk.

sidenote: so as to get "being useless" out of their job descriptions, the government people should do something about the homeless. in the mornings, it's like a concentration camp up there in the skywalk. in one corner, around 10 kids sleep in discomfort and dirt. 

i think it's unforgiveably unfair how the government could easily shell out millions for a small crowd of visiting foreigners in december and not on the larger number of people who live nowhere, eat nothing, and for whom life is no such thing but only a matter of getting through the day.

and i did watch updharmadown on september 9. it was a last minute addition on my already busy saturday. it just had to have a place in there. i mean, hello (?!?), i think i waited long enough. and i loved this foursome music genuises since the first time i heard oo and the world is our playground...

but more of that later.

today is my fourth day in work. now curse me for staying silent in my past four work days but my card is out of credit and the nearest internet cafe is a long walk (it used to be short but i'm growing lazier in my walking habit).

it's all great. and boring, but only because we're not doing much as yet. the most fun i've had i have to say was during the visit of 20-plus foreigners (and a few Filipinos). my marketing buddy honeyleth and i assisted sir allan in showing them around the showroom. somebody complimented me on my being a mass comm graduate because i'm "selling" very well. ha ha, take that for somebody who never tread on call center ground because she thought she could never sell anything.

well, i didn't exactly sell anything that day, but that's only because (as the funny chinese girl perenially repeated) everything is so expensive. yes, it is. but to me, it's all worth every penny. amazing is another perenially mentioned word in the working place. (but i think the older staff members are SO used to it)

today, sir kenneth passed around an email from an Ocean's 13 producer. yep, that's the 3rd installment of the george clooney-brad pitt tandem, for which several kenneth cobonpue pieces were bought, used and displayed to the world (soon anyway). the producer mentioned how a lot of the movie's biggies fussed over the dragnet chair (ha, that's interior crafts lingo for you) and asked if she could have one made for herself. i know i just stepped in this kind of world, but it really felt great to be there.

for how long, honeyleth asked me. i kept mum. so far, so good. so far, i'm enjoying. i think it's the best time to play "live by the moment."

i am leaving for cebu in 2 hours and the next time i could sit in front of this computer will probably be in december. the next time i could cuddle up with bienni my love in mother's bed. the next time i could just lie down and read back issues of time magazine with my father. the next time i could open an actual refrigerator (one that has more than 5 items). the next time i can sit down and have lunch with the family. the next time i could feel the luxury of having some of my favorite people on earth within 50 meters. the next time i could be home. all in december.

sucks.

and what's worst, i don't know what to write in what will be my last post written in this comfort of a room for the next few months. i still have paramore's music in the background. all angsty, yet they give me comfort. hmmm.. should that say anything? my boat hasn't left, yet i'm already missing.

i am such a sucker for drama.

bye all.

Oh star fall down on me
Let me make a wish upon you
Hold on, let me think
Think of what I'm wishing for

Wait, don't go away.
Just not yet.
Cause I thought,
I had it.
But I forget.

And I won't let you fall away,
From me.
You will never fade.
And I won't let you fall away.
From me.
You will never fade away from me.

And now I let my dreams consume me,
And tell me what to think.
But hold on,
Hold on.
What am I dreaming?

Wait, don't go away.
Just not yet.
Cause I thought,
That I had it.
But I forget.

And I won't let you fall away,
From me.
You will never fade away.
I won't let you fall away.
You will never fade away.

And I won't let you fall away.
You will never fade away.
And I won't let you fall away from me,
You will never...

Oh star fall down on me.

Oh Star by Paramore