updharmadown is finally coming to cebu. they're slated for a september 9 concert in country mall. and i want to strangle myself -- or my sense of scheduling. i placed a gathering to post-celebrate my birthday with college friends on that very day, and i think i've been circulating it long enough and wide enough for my buddies to have marked it on their calenders as well.

is this what good scheduling is?

not at all.

anyway, i'll try to get my way around it.

you might not believe what's happening now. it's all out. my identity. my integrity. my dignity. kidding. i did not lose any of that. but people have different take on things. hmmm... (if you're a natural snoop and would like to snoop around, message me and ask what this is all about).

now let me keep my promise to jaqi and give you a short post.

the end.

it's good to be home in ormoc. i won't be here for long -- and a greater part of my visit will be dedicated to completing my requirements for work (gasp!) -- but it's going to be a blast. my mother is under the same roof. my favorite object of annoyance -- that's bienni my love -- is always around to be annoyed. there are more than 30 items in the fridge (last check: avocado ice candy, butterscotch, chocolates!). my father's collection of time magazine are within reach (and i'm so excited for work, i want to look for the issue that featured my boss.. hilassssssssssss!). some of my favorite people on earth (uncles, aunties, cousins) are within walking distance. the company of my father and my siblings on a high. jeepney rides and taxi indulgences put to rest. endless internet access for free (!)

and more.

i have to tell you, i just got an email from ETSA, the migration agency, and they asked me to fill up a form. i don't know what form this is, what's important to know is that it will be a step closer to my aussie fantasy. but i think i'll let it wait.

last night, i met up with a couple of members of this local band called phylum. vera asked me to write an article about them, hopefully for Indi. i think it would be cool, i've always imagined myself writing anything about music, though i don't think my music jargon would be of any help. okay fine, i'll just make use of what i have in my pocket of a thousand words (matud pa ni vera the poet) or i could always go through my collected igan d'byan articles.

though i don't completely agree with his take on life, i think everybody should meet tonton, the band's lead guitar. so far, he is the most free-spirited guy or person i've met. he's been in the seminary for 8 years, finished philosophy and another course (basta double major) in USC, finished the 4 years of law school in UV, and now, a full-time band member. he's also experienced being a stokwa (if i remember it right, all of the members have gone through the same experience) for six-months and sold a whole variety of stuff to get by (i forgot the details).

when vera grilled him about taking the bar, he said that if he'd go after that, it would be a completely new turf, new path, new direction that if he would take now, he'd have to give up the music life. for now, he's just living by the moment -- and that is being a musician, specifically a runner of the phenomenon that is the biz rock.

one interesting guy, so to put it. it's not safe to be that cool about life, but heck, what's better than to always have a bright side to look at?

we all learn from these guys, stokwa, law school graduate, full-time musician or what. my good, i listened.

i blog like it's the only friend i have. now that the days are ticking off to my first day at my first official job (as in, i'm officially employed), i am thrilled. but i want to set myself in reality ground and hook myself to it before i jump wholeheartedly into the new world i'm about to enter. so that when the new world doesn't open its arms to me completely, at least i have a fall-back, and that is my feet still firmly planted on the ground. it is going to be alright.

but while nothing like that is happening, let me keep it that way -- that is, nothing like that happening.

this afternoon, i met the people i'll be working with. i also got to meet for the second time sir kenneth cobonpue. he's taller than the last time i saw him. what i'm only sure of is that this moment of awe (or in a more blunt term, "moment of starstruck") will slowly drift away as each new day comes. i mean, what other result can you expect if you have him as a boss? and specifically, my co-marketing trainee and i are directly under his supervision.

that sounds scary. but as i have come to realize, everything is scary about stability.

and worst, i really don't know what i've gotten myself into. all i know is that it is a company i fully believe in. there's no other way to take in what you see over there -- except that to fully believe in it. the word amazing has been overused, but you there couldn't possibly be any way to say it better. amazing. so i'm thankful that i'm working in a company that i believe in.

thank You, for Your graces, it's just been amazing.

so now, i'm speaking SSS, NBI record, police clearance, Phil. Health., blah, blah, blah. it's for real. i'm part of that world. really, i couldn't care less about the benefits. i just want the experience, the growth, and whatever salary i deserve from that.

so back to the people i met today. michael. psychology graduate. he's going to be at the HR department. ate irene. industrial engineering graduate. married. she's going to take care of the planning and controlling at the production department. ate honeylette. married. former "call girl". my partner at the marketing. we are both assigned in the export division while another guy named allan is assigned to the domestic. the first two people i met before i met these 4 were another allan, who is just funny and cool and ms marichu who is the nicest. and of course, sir kenneth, who isn't any less cooler and nicer. 

so here goes. my first job. i don't how long i'm going to last. i don't know if i'll reach the end of the 3rd month, during which the first evaluation will be done and i might get terminated. i don't know if i'll reach the end of the 5th month, after which i could possibly become a regular or i could be terminated. what i'm only sure of is that i'm going to make the most. of the experience. of the growth. of the learning. of the fun. of the creativity. of it all. this is my first job. and i'm ready.

hopefully, hopefully.

(i noticed that my entries have become longer. for jackie who'd rather read one-paragraph posts, i'll remind myself of this while typing away my next entry. hoooolah. muah.)

they got ryan star out of the show, and that's another unbelievable moment down rockstar supernova's archive.

i know i've been rooting for storm large ever since but she's been rocking on danger ground since "i will survive". i'm sorry for not daring to be loyal, but ryan's been doing so good you can't help but fall in love with him. plus, plus, plus, he did play mastermind of the probably one of the best rockstar performances ever (do you need to ask what else? "losing my religion" of course!) and he's so hot, hot, hot.

i am so disappointed. i think the three oldies feel threatened by him. (i have to break my silence though; i've been harboring an odd but super crush on gilbey clarke. he resembles louie talan, maybe that's just the reason. or perhaps not maybe. maybe for real, most probably. what?!!?)

anyway, on his ending speech (bravo for his pride) he said this (something like it): "if i were frontman of your band, we would have made great music for 20 years. but i respect your decision, and i'm sorry for that. see you at the top of the charts when i'll also be hanging."

er, can you repeat that? (definitely, the three were threatened.)

tito ruben is a writer for zee magazine now and i was about to tell his wife, tita baby, that zee doesn't really know how to pay for the creative input it hires (not that they actually need the extra cash), when she quickly added that, "he was paid P 3,000 for his article." i don't know if i got it right (for the forgetful, partially deaf in me) but yeah, she just said that. 

now, i'm making a big deal out of this because my friend, narsheen, refused to take another assignment from the same magazine when they refused to pay her fee for a full-length article she worked on for them. she was still a student then, but still, she didn't have less rights than tito ruben to get a fee for her efforts.

i'm not completely putting a period on this issue because for all i know, for the forgetful and partially deaf in me, i just heard the whole thing wrongly. but i'm pretty sure narsheen warned me a couple of times about their, um, "irresponsibility" when i told her i was thinking of working for them. it might be a case of my own shortcomings, or perhaps, they're biased against writers who don't really have the power to fight back.

---

on a brighter side, everybody is happy that i got a job in the company of kenneth cobonpue. tita baby was even surprised and amazed to know that it was him who interviewed me and hired me on  the spot. well, i am also everybody. i'm happy. i am tita baby. i am still surprised and overly amazed.

i posted about this interview in august 28 but for the life of blogdrive, it didn't get to my site. i wanted to get scared because he is after all the president of the interior crafts of the island. more than that, he is award-winning, getting awards here and there and impressing even the likes of brad pitt and ocean's 13 set designers (yup, he's worked for them).

but i wasn't scared at all. i was too excited. i even texted iana that i might as well bring my camera and have my picture taken with him, for it might be the only time i'd ever meet him. (of course, iana advised me against it) so the only fear working on me on that morning of my 21st birthday was that of embarassing myself. i'm usually a freak in the face of famous people.

but when mr. cobonpue came in in sneakers, i thought, "he is just cool." and if i were to describe how the interview went, "just cool." well, i did have the guts to say, "that's eeeeeet?" when after around 10 minutes into the interview, he said, "ok, you're hired."

i have never felt so relieved in my whole life. as if i had my past frustrations over failed applications in my hands, and i was ready to flush them all down the drain. i finally had the reason why i delayed work for 2 months, got no calls for a month, and decided to be a struggling writer/correspondent for around a month. officially, that was the first time i ever heard the word hired and used to refer to my name so that scene would make a perfect picture for the rest of my "career."

and i got it from no less than a kenneth cobonpue, who hired me even though, in answer to his question "what do you know about our company?" i only told him, "i honestly haven't heard of your company until my friend russ invited me to apply for a job there. but yeah, my sister's also been telling me how big you are now. that's basically it."

that was not safe, yeah, but that already came up around 5 minutes after the start of the interview; and 5 minutes for me already made that experience top in my list: "unforgettable moments with the famous." haha.

but seriously now, i am not wasting this opportunity. this big a company has invested so much trust in me and though i don't owe anything to them, i am not going to fail them. above all, i'll do it for the reason that it is them that finally gave me the permission to put my frustrations behind and restore the spirit back in me. i am not looking back to the past, definitely, most certainly, only to what lies ahead.

(and if it fails to drive me and to strengthen my zeal to work, i am gonna quit. i don't want to commit the mistake of looking forward to the end of the 6 months of marketing training just so i could get out of it, and miss the rest of my life. i've seen click, and i learned.)

p.s. i am starting wednesday, hooooooray! Praise the Lord!

thank You.

my cousin leandro loves art films, independent films. normally, we don't talk because we have nothing in common. then last night, over dinner at big mao (sort of a reunion among mother and her sisters after a tagalog movie), i asked him if he also follows rockstar supernova. he said he doesn't watch TV so much, and that he'd rather watch weird films. he first mentioned lost in translation and a conversation started from there.

it's good and a little bit weird to know that, especially leandro is stereotyped as just one who doesn't mingle much, who'd rather be left in the corner, who is shy just because he doesn't talk. sounds familiar, sounds like me. or maybe it's exactly that type that goes for those kind of films.

my sister and mother didn't understand when i borrowed, "the squid and the whale," a movie about a broken family, particularly how the sons coped up with the separation of their parents (and possibly how the husband coped up with the recent success of his wife in a career that he helped shape for her). i didn't understand why it was called such, that's why i borrowed it. and after watching it, i still didn't understand. but maybe these art and independent films are really meant to trigger your curiosity though they never promise to erase it.

well, i'm just glad to know that it's never too weird to choose these kind of films over those that got too much attention. or if it really is weird, at least in the family, i am not alone.

---

as if to negate what i just stated above, i went with my mother and titas to the movies and watched you are the one. it's been some time since the three have been together -- with tita lily always in australia and tita baby taking care of her pregnant daughter -- so there was a lot of catching up last night. fun.

the movie is typically tagalog. music videos, too much staring, too much smiling, predictable -- meaning, you know when the bad things are to happen, blah, blah, blah. but i have to say it is a good typically tagalog movie. as always, toni is a sight and an entertainment. sam is cute and didn't overact.

i just don't understand why they had to steal and recopy the words, "you complete me" when it's still fresh in the minds of the people as the highlight of one of the best moments in jerry maguire, even though this movie's been released way back in the late 90s. "you complete me" will always be associated to jerry maguire, no matter what.

that was frustrating, it erases everything good in the movie.

turning a year older never felt so good. or maybe the day had a reason to go ultimately right; that even if it weren't my birthday, the forces of the universe would still have conspired to make the day right for me. i turned 21, and i got hired.

and i would like to credit that to my recently restored job hunting spirit, but no, there's no one else to flood the gratitude to than God. though when it comes to Him there's really no need to rationalize, i owe it (or maybe just want to shove it to their faces) to those who still doubt, so that they will see His goodness if they'd just believe.

1. i prayed for a stable job before mamita comes back from Canada because i know she doesn't consider writing as a job. that's sad, i know, but mamita is one practical grandmother, and she just wants what she thinks is best for her panggas. at 74, she should know. (she returns God willing on september 7, the day after a i start reporting to "work")

2. you know too well how down and self-frustrated i've been since the last week of July, starting with the no-call from Club Ultima, the reason for which definitely led to the day i first heard, "ok, you're hired." now, two days after that, i'm still at an utter disbelief. i don't know how else to cope with it. and until next wednesday when i start work (God willing), i might be floating on this state.

3. what are the chances of landing in your first official job on your birthday? PDI's Super! said, "There is a reason why you were born on that particular day -- no such thing as coincidence." aye! (maybe it was bestowed upon me on the day i was born that i'd get my first job exactly 21 years later)

God is good. on august 29, i turned 21, and i got hired.

---

after dinner at tita mae's, carlyn and joefrance surprisingly dropped by with an oreo cake (for a waterfront recipe, it didn't taste well melted). that was the sweetest thing.

there are moments when i just want to escape from everything that's within 1,000 meters from me. but the beach is 2,000 meters away, in the mountains i cannot be alone, ormoc too comfortable, australia too far a dream, death not an option. for an escapist, music really comes priceless yet cheap (all you need to do is to get them off limewire). so here's my get-away (aka the top songs off the current playlist in my media player and where i find myself in when they start playing):

1. tonight, tonight (smashing pumpkins). disneyworld or in the arms of the indie film maker who chose this song for his girl in MTV's get spotted!

2. breakdown (jack johnson). beach!

3. so long sweet summer (dashboard confessional). in the set of laguna beach! or summertime! or in the passenger seat beside my sister iana who's driving. she listens to dashboard as often as she eats.

4. lover's spit (broken social scene). getting high on marijuana (hahaha)

5. it's oh so quiet (bjork). in wonderland! or in peasantville.

6. with or without you (U2). in a cafe, sitting across U2-worshipping marco, talking about music and getting drunk on tequila.

7. how far is heaven (los lonely boys). i can't picture out a particular scene, but it's happy. very happy.

8. shorelines (broken social scene). in a live band performance. it's not daydreamcycle, but sounds like it.

9. hide and seek (imogen heap). in a strange corner in a stranger corner of this world, crying for something/someone i cannot tell for now.

10. mr brightside (the killers). where we should all be -- on the bright side!

11. ants marching (dave matthews band). in a place where everybody reminds everybody that everything will be alright.

12. crash into me (dave matthews band). i'd rather not blog it for you.

13. satellite (dave matthews band). in a dreamland -- don't know where that is.

14. colorblind (counting crows). there's a lot of fighting and crying.

15. strange and beautiful (aqualung). somewhere in europe.

16. anthems for a seventeen-year-old girl (broken social scene). in a click-like scene that finds me back to where i was 4 years ago, but i couldn't change anything because i'm already 21. so i just stand there, watch my 17-year-old self helplessly and wonder. basically, what i'm still doing now.

17. there is (box car racer). in a romantic moment with a guy who resembles kristof. in a moment that i never, in my 21 years, had.

18. more than anyone (gavin degraw). The O.C. i don't want to be summer, but i'd love a seth cohen.

19. walking after you (foo fighters). in a neverland where somebody is serenading me. (that's why neverland bitaw)

20. fields of gold (sting). where i would always want to be. or in the vineyards in hunter's valley, australia.

21. high and dry (radiohead). driving along a cliff or the ocean on a sunday. then he leans over and kisses me on my cheek.

22. crosses (jose gonzales). running. running. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

23. collide (howie day). just chilling out.

24. when we dance (sting). dancing.

25. redemption song (bob marley). in the 60s, in a music festival, crying for the death of martin luther king and for all those who fought.

26. something's always wrong (toad the wet sprocket). in the real world. i'm back.

sucks.

*** if you're trying too hard to imagine being in a happy state while with or without you is playing, please be aware that i didn't really base my escapade choices on the songs' lyrics, but on how it goes, the melody, the tone, the rhythm. you get the point. 

weird things have happened since the last time i blogged.

on top of it all, i would be seeing my Mass Comm blockmate, fellow UP graduate, and friend chai on national television every night. yep, she got one of the 16 slots at the pinoy dream academy, this new reality show in abs-cbn that has the makings of pinoy big brother. while the latter gears towards personality development, this one gears towards talent development. i guess people were really created in different molds because while a lot of people see getting in the "academy" a step closer to their dream, i just see it as a must-watch show because somebody i've known and has seen grow is part of it! chai, FIGHT! (she's got the weapon anyway :)

but, but, but a lot of weird writing has been going on here so i'm just gonna shift the mood to a saner one and post about people i've met these past few months. not celebrities (who always get the star treatment even in my blog, the jologs that i am) but just people from across the world who i never thought i'd meet and but still did. since i live a (almost) hermit's life (being the unstable, unemployed homebody that i am... sheeeet, where's my life?!), they don't number much.

1. marcel wiener i know a lot of people and established agencies have already promised to invent a system that will track down approaching tsunamis. well, marcel also declared on one saturday beer session that he is going to invent one too, making him the first person to tell me that personally, with such conviction. (and he was only drunk on coke). he is a 17-year-old high school student at hamburg germany who is half Filipino. his family just came for a short visit and the world happens to be small so we were able to meet.

2. kristof the first guy i wanted to kiss (remember?). my brother said he made the perfect guest. i thought he was/is one interesting guy. he can be a flirt but he has brains. he can get along any kind of talk -- from alcoholism to a father's death. for giving me a clearer idea on what kind of guy i want to be with, he is one special member in this list. he is marcel's cousin who's also based in hamburg and one of the very few guys who asked me to dance. (because normally, i don't dance) he's taking up physics this school opening.

3. morose for somebody who seems very happy, her nickname is such a lie. my best memory of her is probably when she danced the hula to win zarah smith's CD, though she doesn't have an idea who/what zarah smith is. she is one of the very few people i met who's from hawaii. she was in college at the US mainland (i forgot which state) when she teamed up with an Ayala Foundations branch that sends young american-filipinos for volunteer work in the philippines. i met her through andre who works for children's hour, which is an ayala branch as well. we all got drunk on her last night here in cebu.

4. jonas he is from cebu. (see, no bias towards people from other corners of the world). i also met him through andre. what's weird with him is that a few seconds into the night we were first introduced, he dared to laugh at me and didn't tell why. i think i shut him up when i was talking about the opportunities of architecture graduates (he is one) i heard from another architecture-graduate friend, but did mind sharing it with him since he seems to be well-off already. wah. we all got drunk on morose's last night here in cebu.

5. aleli she makes one ideal fan. because of her being one, she is already a good friend to managers like karine araneta (formerly with the non-existing eraserheads and now with mojofly) and roxy (who, she swears is not "together" with her talent, kitchie nadal). she also gets in the backstage in any show barbie almalbis is in because she is a friend. COOLelat! she is an architecture graduate who works as an art teacher. and i met her through... well, i used to be a big barbie fan, too.

6. tabatha she's a 19 year-old model who's been going around the world since she was 16. her boyfriend, my cousin joevince, said that in brazil, a lot of young people move towards the modelling industry to get by the poverty brazil is in (FYI: it is also a third world country; but of course, so much better than the philippines). as a model now, she earns P2M a month. she's pretty (though not as pretty as i first thought she was) but no giselle bundchen. she and joevince met in singapore. (as the song goes.. it's a small world after all)

7. gerard pareja a photographer for CDN who's got a photo collection of celebrity  making funny faces -- watch out, it includes cindy kurleto, alexandra de rossi, anne curtis, the like. he insists that i represent CDN in miss freedom (a cebu press freedom week pageant). of course, that's an out-of-this-world idea; and although it surprises me that somebody would think i could be a part of it, it will stay out of this world.

8. gerard's assistant photog (sosi!) ben a movie buff and the first person i met who's said that pulp fiction is the best movie he's seen. i've been hearing a lot of that (from quark henares most notably) thus, pulp fiction is top in my movies-to-watch list.

9. erwin emata i bet if he didn't make it to the summit of the everest or didn't get out of the everest, he would still have joked about it in heaven. here is one funny, funny, funny, guy whose presence nobody can just take for granted because he is after all, just one of the elite club of pinoys who's reached the everest summit.

10. since i have made it a personal blog rule not to name drop too much in this outlet, so i'm just going to call him bio. well, i've been sharing thoughts with him, thoughts from the books and articles i've been reading. and through time, we got into a lot of debate over our thoughts, making dull nights interesting ones. on one honest debate, he insisted that sex is important in relationships, making him the very first guy to admit that, well, it really is expected, especially on their side of the partnership. 

for that, i'll never get into one as yet.

11. lisa simpson she sits in my desk right now and is a constant reminder to stay sane, as she is after all, the sanest member of her family. 

*** hopefully, there will be a part two to this.

---

buti nalang manood ng the simpsons, nawawala pa ang problema, kahit 30 minuto lamang kada araw.

30 minutes of the simpsons a day, keeps the shrinks aways!

have a good day.

weird but happy things happened this past week:

1. had two smart conversations with him. if you're a snoop and would love to snoop around, message and ask me who he is. (i am not directly dropping names now because vera... :)

when i started sharing thoughts from my readings, i never expected that it would eventually boil into those conversations, but it did. i guess pretending to be a deep person can take you as far. haha (to myself). i just commented once on a forwarded message and that started everything. more than any other discovery, it was simply great to have known that he's got such brains and sense to boot.

and no other feelings attached.

2. got an interview on monday afternoon. that's strange. i told my family i was already a correspondent for CDN and surprisingly, they seemed pleased with it. i was expecting:

***

why did you decide to be writer?

because i'm enjoying it.

how much are you earning?

not enough to pay even 1/4 of the house bills.

is that permanent already?

yes... (fyi, a shy yes)

***

well, the last question did happen. but that's it!

saved!

about the interview: it's for a furniture company. i don't know what happens in a furniture company but it's an 8-5 job and that already smells good. sigh, i know -- a failure once again to keep a promise made to self to go for only anything that will make me happy. it's not the money promise. i'm. just. bored. there's too much time to be bored being a writer. i want a work that will keep me bored but busy from 8 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. and it's a plus, plus because i automatically wake up around 6 am these days.

3.  no more HBO saturday nights! well, as for this saturday anyway. i have a birthday party to attend, a friend to cheer for, and a drinking invite. but considering how fickle i am these days (and everyday ever since and forever actually), i might just find myself  glued to the TV again. horrors! i know i should get a life.

4. i'm waiting to turn 21! eeeeeeek, where did the 21 years go? sigh, every year is turning out to be a crazy prelude to the real mid life crisis year that is at 30-years-old. repeat: i have to get a life!

5. i'm just happy with irving. so what if i won't ever have a boyfriend? i have my irving.

6. from monday to thursday this week, i only came out of the house once and that is for a family dinner at paradise. for the rest, i was either glued to computer screen (transcribing 10 pages' worth of bisaya -- thanks to the oracion and emata interview -- and meeting an article deadline again) or glued to the TV (while finishing beadworks). if that's not boring, then please, tell me what is.

in detail. 

7. within 5 days, i ate more than 10 sticks of pork and chicken barbecues and 7 silvanases. well, that's normal, given of course, family gatherings are abundant. happy.

8. i just decided: i'm leaving for australia. if not early next year, then late next year. if not late next year, then probably never.

9. i was describing my college graduation to a long lost friend who didn't make that one glorious march with us, and pictures of that one glorious day just rushed in through me in such a glorious way i was actually moved to tears. i could have a thousand glorious-es in this part of the post but still could not capture the glorious-ness of that one glorious moment until i get my words together and write normally.

my graduation day was one glorious moment. unforgettable.

perfect.

for that, greetings to all my worm mates. i might not miss you everyday (hahah) but on weird, but serious, sudden and surprising moments when i think of those 4 years, sigh, i wish we could all be in a classroom again, fooling Sir Paching into believing that he entered an empty room or making fun of maganaka right in front of him. or of the former UR 105 ultimate radio DJ. or the great cebuano director who went to ateneo and became an activist in UP. or the conditional sir ian. or the 'lay klaro' philosophy and political science teachers. or of anybody. 

sob.

10. i got a text from a friend telling me that she just gave birth. how often do you get that, now tell me now? zoelle to the world! congratulations lyng!